Tojo stared at the busy streets of Manhattan from his 30th-floor apartment at Battery Park. It was one of those days where he had decided to call off work. He had woken up with a migraine and had decided the best thing was to get some rest. His work as an Investment Banker in one of the best banks in the world, Goldman Sachs, was demanding. He had been sleeping all day, only waking up at intervals.
He picked up the TV remote control from the table and flipped through the channels on cable. Bad Boys II was showing on Showtime. “Crazy dudes,” He said, chuckling. He loved the combination of Will Smith and Martin Lawrence acting in a movie.
The doorbell rang and he groaned, wondering who was at the door. Probably the delivery guy who was dropping off a package. The only other person who knew that he was at home was his cousin, Adeoti. Adeoti was a freelance UX designer who had plenty of time on his hands. Too much time, in his opinion. The guy had dated women from every continent of the world. He wondered when his cousin would give up his philandering ways.
He walked to the door and peeped through the peek hole. “Who’s that?” Tojo asked in a voice that sounded hoarse to his ears.
“Delivery!”
He opened the door and the delivery guy handed him his package. “Sign here, please.”
“Thanks, man.” He muttered.
The guy nodded and walked away.
For my Romeo. Get well soon. From Salewa, with love.
Tojo sighed. A kind gesture on Salewa’s part but she just didn’t get the fact that he wasn’t interested in her that way. “Adeoti and his big mouth!” He said aloud. He was sure his cousin had mentioned his being home and sick to her. He placed the package on the Island in the kitchen and walked to the fridge, checking for what he could whip together on the stove.
His phone vibrated on the table. Wiping his wet hands on his apron, he picked it and saw that it was his mother calling.
“Tojo….” His mother’s voice sounded like something was wrong.
“Mum, is everything okay?” His question was followed by a long silence.
“Mum?”
“Your dad has left me…….. Adeolu is gone. He has left us.” She sobbed.
“Gone where mum?” He probed as his heart raced.
“Tojo……” It was his sister’s voice.
“Dad had a heart attack this morning. We rushed him to the hospital. They tried everything… Tojo, they tried all they could.” Sade’s voice broke.
Bile rose in his throat. The throbbing in his head suddenly increased. His dad was his rock. He’d planned on flying to Nigeria to see him in a few months.
Tojo's mind went to Bayo, his best friend who had died from a debilitating disease just the year before. He had not gotten over that yet. His chest hurt as his heartbeat became faster. No! His father could not be dead. This was some cruel joke.
“No!” He cried and flung his phone across the room. “God, why? Why?” He punched the wall with his fist, driving a hole into it.
****
Have you ever lost someone close to you? Did it feel like the world had suddenly come to an end? Did it make you question your existence? Have you ever dealt with Grief? That response to loss, particularly the loss of someone to whom you have formed a deep bond can leave you feeling very overwhelmed. You wrestle with feelings of disbelief, anger, shock, and just extreme sadness. I have been there before, and I bet you have been too.
The world is in the middle of a pandemic and millions of people have lost their lives. Have you lost someone dear to your heart? Children have become orphaned, husbands have become widowers, wives have become widowed, and people have experienced raw grief.
What do you do when the pain of grief grips your heart? Have you questioned God’s faithfulness? I have….
Here are some myths about grief:
Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it – for real healing, face the grief and deal with it.
Myth: It is important to “be strong” in the face of loss – It’s okay not to be strong. Weakness can also be a strength.
Myth: If you do not cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss – crying is not the only way to show your hurt
Myth: Grieving should last about a year – there is no time length
Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss – moving on means you have accepted your loss. It does not mean that you have forgotten about your loved one.
I am a person of faith so during the times when I had to face grief in my life, I simply drew on the power of the Holy Spirit. He became like a shock absorber giving me the strength to forge ahead in the face of despair and discouragement. I cried many times, I yelled at God, I asked Him why? I simply could not fathom why I had to go through all that. What was the purpose? Why did God allow it?
Any kind of loss – the end of a marriage, death of a loved one, the severing of a close relationship can cause grief, and most people go through a grieving process. There is no right way to grieve. You must deal with your emotions. However, there is a difference between a grieving process that is normal and healthy and one in which a spirit of grief attaches itself to you, the hurting person. A spirit of grief causes despair.
Confusion, disorientation, and fear are also common when dealing with grief. Depression and waves of overwhelming feelings are experienced by many, as well as physical symptoms caused by emotional stress.
During the period in my life where I was grieving the loss of my father, I tried my best to not isolate myself. Sometimes, talking through your feelings with people who care helps the grieving process. You may need to go through some form of therapy. I am a lover of Christian music and I remember I had my earphones on most times as I found strength from knowing that I was not alone, that somehow, God was with me in the midst of what was a period of darkness. Praise is a weapon!!!!
If you are hurting right now due to a loss in your life, know that a new beginning is in front of you. God loves you even though this might seem like wishful thinking. We go through things we do not understand but trust that God is working all things out for your good. Trust that what the enemy meant for evil will be turned around for your good. A new day will arise and you’ll find reasons to smile again.
References :
Coping with Grief and Loss - HelpGuide.org
Overcoming Grief and Loneliness | Everyday Answers - Joyce Meyer
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